When I get to Heaven, I like to think I'll have a menagerie of animals surrounding me. There will be no cages, fences, or boundaries, just the sweet freedom they all deserve.
We'll be able to talk to each other. And not just in chirps, barks, or grunts, but with words.
They'll tell me of the plains they roamed, the thoughts they had, and the adventures they experienced.
Prey and predator will play together. The birds will sing in perfect harmony. And the zebras will tell me why they have stripes.
My conversation with the dogs will be interesting…
"Did you understand what we were saying?"
"Yes. Except when you used baby-talk and we wanted to pee on your leg."
"It was amazing how you loved and accepted me and everyone around me."
"Your old boyfriend Vinny? -- He was questionable."
"Why did you show us such constant love even when we didn't deserve it?"
"You were the one with the hot dogs."
In Heaven:
> Bears won't need to hibernate.
> Squirrels will have an overflow of nuts in their drey (nests).
> Ticks and fleas will be residing in Hell.
> No need for migration...The caribou and the camel can just hang out.
> Bats will be able to see like hawks.
> Snakes will have ears.
> Hunters that kill for trophies will be dipped in fruit juice and strung up for the flies.
Sports Information:
There is a softball team and each year it's kicked off with the Heavenly Hawks playing against the Eternity Eagles. This year there are a few rule changes and are as follows:
1. Giraffes can no longer try out for the outfield.
2. Gazelles and cheetahs will only be able to steal one base per game.
3. Umpire positions are reserved for eagles only.
4. Frogs and toads will alternate years in the catcher's position.
5. Orangutans will serve as base coaches.
Winners of each division will receive peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
There is an animal board of directors with the following positions:
Chairs -- Apes
Vice Chairs -- Lions
Secretaries -- Penguins
Treasurers -- Dogs
Some of the itinerary includes:
1. Water fun for the finned.
2. Oversight -- Treat storage.
3. Setting limitations on rabbit reproduction.
4. Update directory of every animal in residence.
5. Making sure humans have paid their tickets for trying to photograph animals and post them on social media.
Task forces will be responsible for:
1. Toy making (Jan-Nov)
In December, notify elves if necessary.
2. Catnip supply
3. Mudhole upkeep for swine
4. Construction on apple tree farms for equines. And unicorns.
5. Exquisite Display of Color Awards (This year, chameleons and peacocks will be out of the running to give someone else a chance.)
There is also a police department to make sure animals remain free as a bird.
Law enforcement employees are:
Commissioner: Lassie
Chief: Snoopy
Lieutenant: Yogi Bear
Sergeant: Bugs Bunny
Detective: Snoopy
Patrol Officers: Huckleberry Hound (and offspring)
Snitch: Scooby-Doo
The only money exchanging paws in Heaven will be beef jerky, bird seed, and bread crumbs. Please don't eat the currency.
The playground in Heaven is an area made for fun...However, there are three rules that must be abided by: Everyone must use "the facilities" before arriving. No animals over 200 lbs. can use the slide. (There was an incident with an elephant.) And let sleeping dogs lie.
Heaven is a place where discrimination isn't tolerated: No Easter Bunny jokes, whale blubber teasing, or comparing fur with scales, feathers, and fins allowed.
Collars, leashes, microchips, and tags will be thrown in the trash upon arrival.
The angels will hold "Animal Blessing Sundays." If you're shedding, please skip a week. This includes reptiles.
There will be NO zoos, circuses, or water animals kept in swimming pools. They'll all be allowed to roam and swim freely and there will be no overseers since God is their Creator.
Although you could say "The park" is all the space in Heaven which stretches into infinity, there is also a park set up for social purposes and sniffing games. All are welcome.
If humans would like to enter the park, they must visit Snoop Dogg first in order to be as relaxed as possible. Cookies, pizza, and chocolate are all complementary.
Once a year, there is a contest -- Mr. and Ms. World -- where an animal will be crowned. This year, the talent competition will feature a hyena comedian, a cat chugging milk, a surfing dolphin, and a one-trick pony. Prizes include a trophy engraved with "I'm all that!" a car with no windows, and a trip to Fantasy Island.
(Scorpions, black widow spiders, and jellyfish will have guarded dressing rooms.)
If you feel you have been wronged in any way, there is a courtroom where the punishment, if guilty, is always a day spent with Jack Hanna. Officers are:
Judge Layla Lion
Bailiff Randy Rhino
Court Reporter Sarah Swan
Clerk Buddy Beaver
Interpreter Penelope Parrot
Attorneys Wayne Weasel, Cal Cockroach, and Red Herring
Jurors -- All sharks
There are rules in the courtroom. They are:
1. No wild goose chases.
2. No mad hornets.
3. No elephants in the room.
4. No horses held.
5. No holy cows.
Current offenders:
1. AHole Aardvark
2. Grabby Gerbil
3. Sammy the Snake
Courthouse employees:
1. Sally Sloth
2. Terrance Turtle
3. Serena Snail
In Heaven, there will be no horse or dog races, animal tricks, or animals wearing clothes. (Except to The Fur Ball hosted by Pongo and Perdita.)
In fact, the only two ways humans can be around the animals is if they wouldn't hurt a fly and to love them profusely.
God and His angels will watch over everything and no animal will ever be harmed. (The devil will be notified about incoming abusers who will receive special accommodations.)
Music will always be available. Selections will be performed by:
> Hootie and the Blowfish
> The Beatles
> Adam and the Ants
> The Monkees
> John Cougar Mellencamp
> The Eagles
And many more.
Animals will enter Heaven on the yellow brick road and led by Toto to their caves, holes, nests, webs, dens, trees, burrows, and lairs.
So, you may be thinking, why am I so crazy about animals? What is the driving force behind my love for them? That's easy -- they make me giddy. Not just happy, but over-the-top, complete giddiness.
On my lowest days emotionally, I can see an animal and my spirit is instantly lifted. I giggle like a schoolgirl when I watch nature shows on TV.
Good feelings are amplified when I’m around them and their innocence brings me to tears. Nothing else on Earth makes me feel the way they do.
In Heaven, I want to be surrounded by every creature. I want to love on them daily.
I want to be where the animals live...Forever.
P.S. If you need blogs that will grab your customers' attention, gimme a shout! Contact me at jenflattosborn@writeawaycreations.com or here. And my tail will be wagging.
References:
1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drey
2. www.merriam-webster.com
3. "What Are the Ranks of Police Officers: A List of Common Metropolitan Police Ranks From Lowest to Highest" Sep 21, 2016 https://www.police1.com/police-administration/articles/what-are-the-ranks-of-police-officers-ubmv1W4wzK43uuM4/
4. "Top 50 Famous Cartoon Character Dog Names" by Barbara Fitzgerald -- May 6, 2021 -- https://pethelpful.com/dogs/30-Cute-Dog-Names-From-Cartoon-Characters
5. Condé Nast Traveler -- "The Most Dangerous Animals in the World" by Daniel Jameson and Ali Wunderman -- November 25, 2020 https://www.cntraveler.com/stories/2016-06-21/the-10-most-dangerous-animals-in-the-world
6. "Who Are the People in Court" https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/cab0609.pdf
7. Espresso English -- "20 Animal Idioms in English" https://www.espressoenglish.net/20-animal-idioms-in-english/
8. Ranker -- "The Best Bands With Animal Names" -- Originally by Ranker Music -- Updated June 19, 2020 https://www.ranker.com/list/bands-with-animal-names/ranker-music